i have had some major self-image issues. so major that i'm ashamed to even leave the house because i'm embarrassed of how i look. when in reality, i just had baby #2 and need to lose 20 lbs which is not a big deal. but, i get so self absorbed to the point that all i can think about is losing weight and until then, feeling like i can't function or live; making the issue way worse than it is. through this heart battle, i've really come to realize just how much significance and weight (ha! sorry, no pun intended) i put on the outward appearance. (sidenote: is it just me, or is it way harder to lose weight after the 2nd baby?)
i get so frustrated with myself when i think of several of our friends who can't have children and would die to have to lose weight if it only meant they could have kids. - even writing that shows me just how much i'm in need of grace.
so, yeah, in a nutshell i'm battling my thoughts and trying to take them captive to Christ. kelly reminded me that i need to have a grateful perspective because that will bring about obedience. and this isn't just about a positive attitude. i'm grateful for the ultimate gift - salvation and all the other beautiful gifts the Lord has given. i need to basque in thankfulness because i have much to be thankful for. i need to be obedient; i need to not give into this ugly sin of self-destruction, but rather cling to the Truth that "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (proverbs 31:30)." i need to get rid of the mindset that has been too shaped by the world which claims that beauty is merely appearance.
i didn't really want to share this (i mean, who really wants to share their present struggles with the world?... especially when they wane in comparison to what so many others are struggling with.) but, it helps me process things and i want sage to be able to read this one day, when she is battling the same thing (because she's female) to see how her mom dealt with it.
51 {comments}:
hi! I can really relate to this. After my second was born it was definitely harder to loose that baby weight (after baby #4 it seems like I have a permanant little post-prego belly)
Having a positive outlook on the situation will certainly help. So is trying to keep this season of life in perspective. One day, before you know it, you won't be so stressed out ALL OF THE TIME and you'll have more time to work out. You can't do everything at one time and be everything in one season of life - as much as we would like for that to be the case :)
I hope that your struggle lessens and you surrender to this season :)
Much love!
I don't have any childreen yet, but I do find myself consumed with how I look all the time. It really has consumed my life and I am slowly learning to let go and not be so hard on myself. We are all a work in progress and I think your thoughts are normal.
Oh, Carissa. I read your blog because I love your honesty, your truth, and you. This post just reminds me of those reasons. You want to know something? That weight battle, those thoughts? I struggle with them as well. And those thoughts are very hard to deal with.
Just several weeks ago Todd showed the girls this video shot of our Groomsman Dinner. One of the first comments (by the girls) was, "mom is so skinny." For days I sat and stewed over that comment. They didn't mean any harm, and honestly, it was the truth. So somewhere I began to have to release that anxiety. And to remember that the skinny me still had "image" problems....so it truly was about my heart, not the weight.
It's such a fine, fine line, isn't it? I think it's better to be open about the battle. That, in my opinion, is the first step to taking thoughts captive.
As far as each baby making it harder? I totally agree. You don't have the free time. You are busy. Very busy. And tired. And, hon, you are not that many weeks since Sage was born. Your body is still recovering.
You can do it. In time. Here's the deal. You and I can work together to do this. Email me if you'd like.
I'm going to pray that your heart is guarded and that you have grace for yourself.
Love you. And I will pray. And I am proud of you. And so grateful to call you friend.
Rachel
not just you dear...and 20 pounds sounds like a nice goal! I have about 80 to lose...b/c i have yet to lose baby weight from baby number 2, and babies 3, 4, 5, and 6 kinda added more!
You are so not alone on this. I have cried many times since having Luke at how my body has changed - I try to tell Chris that sometimes it's like an out-of-body experience. It's still me, but I look so different to myself. The hardest part is that it feels incredibly vain to talk about - yet it's something I deal with everyday. I think it was so good for you to type that out and know you're not alone.
I heard something once that it takes 9 months to grow your baby and you should expect 9 months to lose the weight. That pretty much held true for me! You will lose the weight - it will happen!
Thanks for sharing you heart with us. :)
Bless your heart! I think you're an amazing person and beautiful both inside and out! Your honesty and willingness to share some of your innermost thoughts is humbling.
Totally way harder to drop the weight the second time around but it will happen! It took me two years but I was lazy the first 18 months or so ;) It is extremely hard to find time for yourself but if/when you're able, a little exercise will have you feeling good inside and out! I try to run every day, even if it's just 1-2 miles. It goes a long way for my mental well-being and getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight has been a nice side effect! Good luck & remember not to be too hard on yourself :)
God, your hubby, your kiddos...everyone...loves you no matter what the scale says!
I've been struggling with an ugly heart lately too, so I can very much relate to this post. The reasons are different, but it's still the same idea. Thanks for sharing. :)
You are beautiful! <3 You're so not alone in the self image battle! I deal with it on a daily basis too (no matter how often my sweet husband tells me he thinks I'm beautiful). Sadly as women that's something most of us will always struggle with to some degree. At least you're aware of it and you're trying to work through it instead of ignoring the problem. Just try your best to be healthy and take it day by day....you'll get there. Give yourself a break, your body has done some amazing things in the last two years. It needs time.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your honesty. I am a newer reader and was really blessed by it. I just had my first baby almost 6 months ago and am FINALLY within 5-10 pounds of my original weight. But those first few months were terrible. I would be so obsessed with needing to lose weight that I could hardly think about anything else. You are preaching the truth to yourself, though, and it really encouraged me in another area of my life right now. Be blessed, Carissa!
Oh Carissa, first off in all of the pictures you have posted, even the ones in the hospital you look great. I am still struggling to be where I want to weight wise and my daughter is almost 2! You are beautiful! Keep a positive outlook on things, that little bit of extra will come off before you know it!
Oh Carissa so glad you did share. I know from personal experience exactly how you feel. I gained over 50 pounds with each of my pregnancies and had to work my tail off to get back to my original weight.
I couldn't get my pants past my knees or get my wedding ring on for about 6 months. It was very discouraging. I was a freak about watching what I ate when I was pregnant. I took walks and worked out every day and still the weight came. But it does come off and you do feel beautiful again. And from the pics I've seen of you you already are. So sweet girl...lift your chin up and strut your stuff. You are a pround new momma and seriously before you know it WILL just melt off.
I pray peace to you. Continue to pray and be honest in your life. I agree that this time in our lives with baby #2 and the busyness is hard. Just remember "The Spirit intercedes for us with sighs to deep for words to express". God knows and is holding you in love.
Sweetie, I have a few friends who as you had two babies in a very short period of time and they are also not feeling the best about themselves....I bet its very hard but in the end of the day....with that 20 lbs or without you are the best mom ever and your hubby loves you as you are (I bet!)....That is important and you will loose it in to time...I bet!!!....Kisses and hugs and have a wonderful weekend:)
Ps: Green tea is great for losing weight....4 cups a day:)...It really works:)
I think what your confessing is not much different than how a lot of us feel. I love Kelly's advice to you. I have a suggestion for you to read Fresh Power because it talks about using the Holy Spirit to guide you and empower you...that will absolutely give you a God=perspective instead of your own. I'll be praying for you!
no time....:)
I always love when people are humble enought to share their present struggles. I struggled with wanting the weight off after baby #1 to the point where it became "god" in my life. I lost all the weight and then some, and realized how misplaced my priorities had been. My second is 10 months old and I am still carrying around 10 extra pounds but i don't care so much this time.
My heart breaks for you... because I've been there. But it also has complete confidence that everything will be OK. Be of good cheer; YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL! I really sincerely mean that. Make it a goal to take care of yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Love yourself RIGHT NOW ~ JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!! And enjoy each day. All change takes time. If you try to see progress every day it will only be discouraging. But if you stop looking for evidence of progress daily, and just check up on yourself every month or every 3 months or so... you will see progress and feel good about yourself. Give yourself a break from self analysis and just enjoy that gorgeous family of yours. Enjoy your talents. Enjoy the sunshine. Fill your life and mind with words and thoughts of praise and gratitude and let God do the weighing, measuring, and assessing. You don't have to judge yourself; you just need to live a good life, serve others and let yourself be happy. :D That's why God created you, so you can be happy.
I hope I did not ramble on too long. Thanks for sharing - you did good. Sending prayers of sunshine and joy your way. ;) Corine
Carissa my friend, you are not alone! Thank you for sharing this with us cause I know its something almost all of us struggle with. Why do we do this to ourselves? :-( You are beautiful and have such a beautiful heart and sweet spirit and I know God can help you (and all of us) overcome our insecurities. I love what Faith said in comment #1 about it being a season of life, so true. Take care friend! Love, Reese
Thank you so much for this, Carissa. (Just wait till you see how hard it is to lose after #7!! :)
It's too easy for me to worry about my weight too - I obsess about it too easily. However, one big reminder is the kids I have. Do I want my daughters to grow up thinking all their mom worried about was her weight or do I want them to see God wants how I focused on inner beauty and developing godly character? (Prov. 31:30) Same with my boys - do I want them to think that the most important thing in a wife is how she looks?
So I continually have to take my vain thoughts captive under the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10:5) - and focus on my character being developed.
All I know is that some day I'll see my Savior and I'm fairly certain that He won't say "Gwen, you really should have tried harder to lose that 20 lbs."......
So for now I praise God for these beautiful children He has blessed us with and try to focus on pleasing Him with what He's called me to do!
Totally feel you on this! Been struggling with the same thing.
I want to hug you so much after reading this, Carissa! I hate, hate, hate that we live in a society that wants us to believe that how we look is the most important thing. Clearly you have a heart for God and that's what is important. Saying that, I know that sometimes as a woman,we KNOW that, but our self esteem is like yeah..yeah...blah...blah... Just get the lbs. off me Lord! Rest assured, you are not alone.
Ah, Carissa, I hear you there. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable thing about yourself! I, too have struggled with and "ugly heart" from time to time after my son was born. Some days I couldn't even pinpoint where it came from...
I LOVE what your husband said about having a grateful heart. Isn't that the truth? So many times I've heard that if you want to get out of your 'funk' DO something for someone else. Get your mind off of it. Love others and in turn, you learn to love yourself even more...being thankful for what God has given you.
But, on the flipside, I also think it's ok to feel this way every now and then. As women, it happens. As humans...it happens. We fall. We feel sorry for ourselves. We want perfection... In a way, it makes me think that only when we hit this area of life can we truly look up and see and listen to what Our Lord is trying to tell us. We begin to learn about His love all over again.
Whew. As always, looooooong comment. Many prayers your way. Hope your heart is lifted very, very soon ;^)
Your weakness, yet God's strength in you is so encouraging. People tend to not be raw these days because they are so scared to show people what they're really like, even though we are all so broken and hurting. I don't mind being one of the raw ones, especially on my blog, because it helps others grow. Like this, from you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and that doesn't change just because you gained 20 pounds, and even if you can't get it off. God's love and acceptance changes none, and I'm nearly positive Kelly loves you no less because of it. But of course I urge you to work hard to get it off, just don't let it become your focus and reason for having a bad attitude. Don't give it that power over you. I love you sister! I love having you and your blog in my life. I can't wait to meet you on earth one day, and if that doesn't happen, we have eternity together.
♥
i love that you shared this! obviously i can't relate with the exact situation since i'm not a mom but i can relate to having an ugly heart. i think everyone goes through that-we all seem fine on the outside but there are deep struggles going on. you are certainly not alone. thank you for sharing that! You are a beautiful woman and a beautiful follower of Christ and your obedience is admirable!
I so appreciate your honesty and transparency. I struggle with the weight issues every day, and I have a horrible self-image, which I too am afraid to admit at times. I even created another blog so that I could have someplace to go to journal that journey. But I have allowed past failure and regret to get into the way, and now I am paralized. I am a woman over 40, in menopause, who needs to lose 60lbs, not to look good, but to save my life. So I want to encourage you. We can do this together. You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit and I am so thankful I found you!
Obviously, self-image is one thing every woman struggles with, and I applaud you for being willing to share this common struggle out loud. And even though I am CERTAIN you are still gorgeous, the truth really is that it doesn't matter how we look...if we are truly caring more about God's opinion than that of other people, then our outward appearance doesn't matter. our heart does. that's what really makes us beautiful! and it can shine through no matter how our outsides are doing!!!
Thank you for sharing this and being so honest, it's nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way!
I know how one ugly thought morphs into 50 and that never helps any part of your life. I will think of you when my heart starts getting a little ugly and I know this will all be over soon enough!
I can relate to self-image problems... Ever since middle school I've been over weight. Though now I'm in college and the weight isn't as bad (and going away) I get into the mindset that I'm bigger then I am. It's ugly and horrible but what you just wrote has encouraged me. I guess it's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling.
i totally feel your pain carissa, and i didn't just have a baby!! i've just been eating really poorly (especially when traveling) and not able to keep to a good sleep schedule or workout routine. i feel like i keep gaining weight in my belly and legs but for some reason i don't have the obedience or self restraint to just EAT better and work out every day or almost every day! i've been sooo busy with work, blogging, crafting that it's been put to the back burner when it really shouldn't! but really, i have seen pics of you and you do loook great!! thanks for being so honest and open with us sweetie. hope you have a GREAT weekend!
Oh, Carissa, I do feel your pain and so appreciate your sharing this very "human side" of yourself. I doubt that there is a woman alive that doesn't understand where you are coming from if they have given birth. God will bring you through this because HE does care about every detail of our lives. You are a precious young lady that the Lord is using in a mighty way. Hugs!
i think its great that you are being so honest. most people would not be so open with such things that are so normal especially after the second. and yes, it is harder to lose weight. i think its such a battle to not get consumed and start comparing yourself to others after childbirth. praying for ya we've all been there!
I won't say much...the truth is our hearts are ugly. I think it is a good thing to realize, otherwise how would we understand our need for a Savior? Thanks for sharing. And the very good news is that our hearts are redeemable!
Love the fact that you are admitting your stuggles and sharing them. So many of us face the same challenges and keep it inside. After having my 2nd...it was harder to lose the weight. But I did it and you will too. You are learning more patience with your second child, have more with yourself :)
praying! being a mom can be so difficult especially the battles fought in the mind! great job putting it into words. :)
Will comment about this post later.. but I just wanted to let you know that I left you an award on my blog:
http://penelopeblue.blogspot.com/2010/07/pee-my-pants-flattered-another-award.html
hey, my internet friend! thank you for writing this. i am going through the same emotions you are (only with baby #1) and it really put it into perspective for me. it has been a tough few weeks, hating how i look and feel. being so uncomfortable in my own skin. thank you thank you for your heart and the encouragement you just wrote.
I'm sorry. Our bodies change, we gain weight, EVERYTHING changes and try to remember that your hormones are STILL going psycho. Don't be too hard on yourself, or judge yourself too harshly, because your brain really can't handle it. Losing weight can become obsessive, but be patient...it takes time. Love to you! Eat your green babe! ;)
Carissa. Before I say anything, let me just say that I love you. I love your writings, I love your truth, your silliness, and I love your heart. Your love for the Lord is present in every single post--silly or deep or in between. You are a beautiful woman, inside out. Lately, I've been struggling with my weight and my appearance. It's gotten to the point where I'm always thinking about it, and feeling guilty eating. It's something that I really have to change, and your post was such a real eye-opener. Thanks for being real and truthful even though it hurts. You're one of my role models, and a definite hero.
Much love.
--Hannah
I just started following your blog as I've seen you on several friends blogs that I currently read. I'm hooked after your post today regarding weight and beauty. I'm encouraged to find yet another sister and follower of Christ. My husband and I are from Myrtle Beach SC and we honeymooned in Charleston. It's my FAVORITE!!! We were right on the battery:)
You are such a beautiful person inside and out!! I'm so thankful that you posted this because so many women (including myself) worry about their image and weight- it's always comforting to know that there are other women who feel the same way.
Maybe God is making this a struggle for you because someone close to you will have the same struggle down the road... Then you will be there to offer advice, encouragement, and prayers. You never know His plan :)
You are absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! Praying for you!!!!!!
Oh! Honey. I know how you feel. It's definitely harder to loose the weight after the second. Well 3rd and 4th too. I never lost the weight till after I stopped having children. Girl I can tell you how heavy I got. How depressed I felt. But you know that God helped me through it. He made me feel beautiful! And God gave me a wonderful hub hub that made me feel like I was a model no matter what size I was.
It's tough, but just like you said. Being thankful! Once you start saying it, everything else just washes away. You ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!
Will be praying for you my dear.
~blessings and lots of hugs
Dorcas
Carissa, I admire your honesty. It shows how true a woman in Christ you are to be so truthful with your readers. I'll pray for your post baby weight to be less difficult for you. You are beautiful, I'm sorry you're struggling, I think every woman knows how much our looks can effect us mentally.
I love your honesty Carissa. You are beautiful no matter what size you are. Remember we are our own worst critic. I want to lose some weight before I actually start having babies. A lot of people think I'm crazy and they're like, "why do you want to lose the weight? you'll just gain it right back?". Well, I want to be at a lower weight before gaining the expected 25 - 35lbs (Oh goodness, I hope it won't be more than that!!). I think it'll just be healthier for me and the baby if I lost at least 40lbs. So, we all have our struggles, but it's great knowing we can find strength in God. I pray for peace in your heart. Hope you're have a great day today sweetie. Much love from Maui!
xx Love & Aloha
**If you haven't entered yet, come enter my Wendy Mink Jewelry giveaway. Jewelry always makes women happy. :)
Thanks for being so honest. I find myself feeling the same way today - ugly heart. About a whole different thing, but still the same idea, making it all about me.
Just want to let you know though, from looking at your pictures on your miscellany monday post - I think you look amazing - even if you hadn't just had a baby :)
i can totally relate. i think most women can. it's a struggle and a battle. but you my friend are beautiful inside and out! you have been a blessing to many!
Carissa, if you only knew how gorgeous we all think you are! :) I feel like a fat cow being pregnant, and this is definitley encouragement for me, I was just thinking today... "I'm not looking forward to what my stomach is going to look like post baby." just to reassure you: You are one hot momma! :)
thanks for the perspective and honesty, dear. you are beautiful.
also, i just found a crazy connection i have with you. email me @kimdavis09@gmail.com so we can chat about it!!!
That was a big step you took here. It's hard to admit the truth. I don't have any children either, but I'm kind of going through the same thing right now--struggling, and it's hard when we have to find some way to leap over it.
Carissa, your honesty is so refreshing. Yes, we all have struggles, but you are so open about it instead of trying to hide. And you are looking to God for control of your thoughts....realizing your errors is half of fixing them, right?
Love you!
Brianna
Joshua will be 6 months soon and only in the last 2 months have I reached my pre-pregnancy weight. It is much harder to lose weight after baby 2. But It was like all the sudden for me. It just happened! Breastfeeding helps tremendously.
I am grateful for your honesty and your willingness to share your struggles. You are only human and in this screwed up culture, it is extremely difficult not to get sucked into what the world expects us to be. Especially since all the celebrities lose weight so quickly after babies. (I just kindly remind people that they have full time trainers, nannies, cooks, and plastic surgeons...)
I have had a hard time with self-image lately as well (and struggling with post-partum depression as not helped this struggle). I just try (key word is TRY) to remind myself that I want my boys to grow up knowing a confident and loving mother, who does not criticize herself and worry about my physical looks, so that they may one day love their wives wholly for their hearts, and nothing less.
Post a Comment