an ugly heart.

lately i've had an ugly heart.  if you could really see my thoughts and struggles you'd probably not read another word i write.  but i boast in my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 corinthians 12:9) and i'm reminded that His grace is sufficient. much more than sufficient to cover the sin of my ugly heart.

i have had some major self-image issues.  so major that i'm ashamed to even leave the house because i'm embarrassed of how i look.  when in reality, i just had baby #2 and need to lose 20 lbs which is not a big deal.  but, i get so self absorbed to the point that all i can think about is losing weight and until then, feeling like i can't function or live; making the issue way worse than it is.  through this heart battle, i've really come to realize just how much significance and weight (ha! sorry, no pun intended) i put on the outward appearance.  (sidenote: is it just me, or is it way harder to lose weight after the 2nd baby?)

i get so frustrated with myself when i think of several of our friends who can't have children and would die to have to lose weight if it only meant they could have kids.  - even writing that shows me just how much i'm in need of grace.

so, yeah, in a nutshell i'm battling my thoughts and trying to take them captive to Christ.  kelly reminded me that i need to have a grateful perspective because that will bring about obedience.  and this isn't just about a positive attitude.  i'm grateful for the ultimate gift - salvation and all the other beautiful gifts the Lord has given.  i need to basque in thankfulness because i have much to be thankful for.  i need to be obedient; i need to not give into this ugly sin of self-destruction, but rather cling to the Truth that "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (proverbs 31:30)."  i need to get rid of the mindset that has been too shaped by the world which claims that beauty is merely appearance.

i didn't really want to share this (i mean, who really wants to share their present struggles with the world?... especially when they wane in comparison to what so many others are struggling with.) but, it helps me process things and i want sage to be able to read this one day, when she is battling the same thing (because she's female) to see how her mom dealt with it.

misc. + monday

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1. the miracle drug.

i'm taking some medicine with these possible side effects: weight loss and darkening of the skin.  hello!  can someone please bottle these side effects!?

2. mommy vacay.

kelly is off this week and we will be enjoying a staycation.  really, what this means is that i will have a handsome pair of extra hands this week.  the words thrilled, ecstatic, and excited come to mind.  we are even going to venture to the beach.  with the two babes.  but, since i haven't completely lost my mind (yet) we are bringing along my mom and siblings for their help so daddy can fish and mommy can lay out a bit.

3. speaking of laying out.

yes, this 7 week postpartum body will be sporting a one-ish piece that has so much coverage, it probably can't even be classified as a bathing suit.  and yes, it will be black for the fullest slimming effect possible.  can i get an amen?

4. wildtree's grapeseed oil.

this is the healthiest of oils and full of antioxidants that help stall the effects of aging.  with it's high smoke point, the oil can be used safely for sautéing, stir-frying, and deep frying.  it's also been shown that grapeseed oil reduces ldl cholesterol levels.  thanks to amanda, i've enjoyed cooking with it and love to use it to saute vegetables and chicken.  it also works in several recipes in place of butter.  you can put the oil in an oil spritzer and use it instead of butter flavored pam.  you must try it.  click to visit wildtree to get order details... amanda will take care of you!  it's very well priced and a bottle will last you a long while.  plus, it will make you a healthier cook and person.  win-win.

5. mommy bling for baby.

teething bling... it's cool for you and your babe.  and like most momma's i'm all about multi-tasking, so why not wear a necklace that also doubles as a teether? yet again, another win-win.  and i hope i win.  but, because i'm nice, you too, can try to win one by visiting rachel at finding joy.

6. public service announcement.

much to my surprise and delight, sage slept through the night last night.  there's nothing quite as thrilling as waking up in the morning and realizing the baby didn't wake in the night.  i thought for sure we had a long way to go for that, but it turns out she beat her brother (he started at 8 weeks) and at 7 weeks made it through the night.  now, hopefully it becomes a trend.  : )

to california with love (and tears)...

grandma and all of my california family have been begging for new pictures of sage and hunter.  and i'm happy to oblige. 

apparently he wasn't happy.

and neither was she.

this is much better... whenever she isn't crying she's smiling.

sage always lays on her tummy with her legs crossed.  it will be a sad day when she doesn't do this anymore.

hunter rocks his puma track pants.

we love you grandma and family... hope you enjoy!

miscellany on monday

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1) a boy and his dog.
 courtesy of these mad skilled photographers...

i'm telling you, i've never seen a boy love a dog quite this much.

they battle over the ball every day.

hunter won today.


2) rent a 10 year old.

i never knew how awesome 10 year olds were until my 10 year old sister came over last week.  she offered a ton of help.  an extra set of hands is mighty handy. did i really just say that?!  who am i fooling... the pun was most definitely intended.  i want a 10 year old to come over every day.  i was convinced that we needed to adopt one, but since adopting a child for some extra hands is not a healthy reason, i'll settle for renting one everyday.  or having my sister over for free.

3) no thank you disney.

on the same day my sister was over, we watched several shows on the disney channel (coincidence none).  apparently, every 13 year old is supposed to be a famous singer, making millions, dating, and disrespecting their parents all by the time they're 14.  ugh.  beyond toy story and mickey mouse, my kids will have nothing to do with the disney channel.  instead, we will teach our children to respect authority. imagine that.

4) normally i like coke.

but today i like pepsi.  summer told me about pepsi's "refresh project" and i have to tell you about it too. the refresh project donates 250k to a winning charity and one of the charities in the running is juvenile myositis.  summer has myositis; a painful debilitating disease, so she knows first hand what children go through with a diagnosis like this.  we want your help.  click to vote for this charity to make juvenile myositis a memory.

5) i'm fickle.

i cut 12 inches off my hair two months ago.  and it's now official... i'm growing it out.  i miss pony tails.

6) courtesy of kelly.

kelly is my husband (in case you didn't know).  and for the record, kelly used to be a boy name before it was a girl name.  anyways, this was his facebook status yesterday after church: "when the drummer in your band tries to start the next song, but you're not ready because you dropped your pick, be sure to remove your face from the mic before you yell, "NO!" Oops..."

a few little letters

dear chocolate,

why do you have to be so darn addictive?  why is it that my day is not complete without you?  why is it that you taste extra tasty over a gigantic, calorie ridden bowl of ice cream?

love, your painstakingly devoted fan

dear extra poundage that needs to be lost,

go away.

love, your worst enemy

dear herbal essence hair mousse,

why must you be so inconsistent?  one day you make my hair look like eva longoria's and the next it looks like it has been sent through a meat grinder several times.  why must we have a love-hate relationship?

love, your hopeful to have a good hair day today friend

dear coupons,

you are so cheap yet i spend hours finding you, organizing you, and using you.  just to save some quarters.  i wish i could forget about you.  but then i'd feel guilty and my wallet would hate me.

love, your centsible companion

dear vanity,

you're ugly.  no i don't look like i did back in highschool, but hips can be a good thing.  after all, i did just have two babies in a matter of 16 months.  get out of town.  i'm tired of dealing with you.  besides, haven't you ever read proverbs 31:30? - "charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

love, your used-to-be friend

-miscellany monday-

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{1} alpha the beta.

hunter got a beta fish this weekend.  we named him alpha {hubs came up with the name.  i like it.} apparenly, two kids and a husband weren't enough for me to take care of.  ; )

{2} nuclear potato.

a potato burned up and exploded in our microwave.  and like burnt popcorn, the smell lingers.  bummer. there has to be a trick to get rid of the stench.  any ideas?!  

{3} exhaustion.

a few days ago my 10 year old sister proclaimed during dinner that she was "completely exhausted."  i asked her why and she replied, "from swimming in the sun all day."  ahh, the sweet, careless days of childhood summers are sweet indeed.  

{4} no pooping in private.

motherhood can be summed up with this: there's no longer any pooping in private allowed; there's always an audience and you don't even really mind.

{5} iphone photos.

i don't have an iphone.  but a few people have taken some iphone photos as of late that i've liked.  yet another reason why they are awesome and the coolest phones in existence.   these are straight from the phones:

this was taken by our awesome photographer friend.

&

this one might not be so fantastic, but this is what my short haircut looks like curly.  it's my favorite way to wear it because it takes all of five minutes.  

{6} bragging rights.

my lil' bro is 11.  he's an incredible sailor.  as in a sailboat.  he competes on the weekends and frequently ends up with trophies.  i'm pretty proud of him.  he won first place this past weekend in savannah, ga.  you go lil' bro!  congrats!  meet the future us sailing olympian:

life with two littles.

many have asked how life is with two kids so close in age, so i thought i'd let you know.  and if you didn't ask, you get to find out anyway.  

let me begin with a few disclaimers...

1. no one should take this as me complaining,  but rather as me giving a realistic look into the life of a busy mama who is so thankful for the little blessings and enjoying the chaos!

2. my kids are 16 months apart.  i know that there are plenty of mom's out there with kids even closer in age and have their hands way more full.

3.  i also know that there are plenty of mom's out there, like rachel (mom of 7, yes, seven) who are much more worthy to write posts about having kids and being a mom than i am.  

okay, now that that's out of the way, i'll get on with it.

i can totally see why people wait five years to have their second child.  our plan was to wait 2-3 years for #2.  however, the Lord had a different plan, and since His way is best and always perfect, we are so thankful for our little blessing in surprise!

in a nutshell, life with two littles can be put like this... think of kraft macaroni and cheese.  you know, the blue box kind that you make on the stove in no time.  then, think about bobby flay's gourmet macaroni and cheese with homemade macaroni noodles and cheese made in cheesecloths, all of which takes all day long to make. you now have the difference between life with one child versus life with two children really close in age. 

to recap, kraft macaroni = life with one child.  gourmet macaroni = life with two children.

inevitably, both babies need something at the same time.  i'm learning that since i can't duplicate myself they are both just going to have to learn a good dose of patience. - which also reassures me that neither of them will ever be spoiled.  

the older baby gets jealous and it makes me sad.  i feel like hunter got cheated out of his baby years and has to share me much sooner than he would've liked.  ultimately, though, i'm reminded that he and sage will be great playmates and friends in no time, reminding me of one of the benefits of them being so close.

unfortunately, hunter has decided that only one nap now suits his fancy.  oh, how glorious it was when he took two naps.  this has made things a bit challenging, as he is still adjusting to this new schedule, resulting in some major crab.

i have yet to figure out how to get ready (i.e. - take a shower, or better yet, just brush my teeth); at this point i am not going to wake up at 6 am to get ready before the kids rise.  especially since i am up at night feeding a newborn.  so, yes, you guessed it, several days go by without me getting ready at all.  i'm thinking that my showering may need to be done in the evenings before i go to bed.  if you're a stay at home mama, when do you get ready?

it's way easier to just go with the flow and let things slide off your back with baby #2.  i'm a schedule fanatic.  meaning i don't function well if i don't know what to plan for or expect.  but, i'm learning to be flexible.  sage has helped me with this a whole lot.

tired.  tired.  tired.  fatigue.  fatigue.  fatigue.  it's really hard to take naps at this point (i'll be thrilled when sage is on a good schedule).  while hunter naps, it's always time for sage to eat or be awake.  which means that mommy can't nap.  which means that mommy is dead tired all day long after getting about 4 hours of sleep at night.  i'm afraid kelly is going to come home one day and find me passed out while hunter is ransacking the house.  how long can i keep up with so little sleep?  i'll let you know.  praise the Lord for His strength!

so there you go.  a little glimpse of our life right now.  i'm thankful for it;  i love our kids.  

miscellany monday.

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{1} a murderer of fun.

call me a murderer of fun, but when fireworks are going off at 10:45 just yards away from your 1 yr. olds bedroom, keeping him up, they completely lose their appeal.  there's no better way to say happy 4th of july than keeping my son up several hours past bedtime.

{2} potty training?!  no thanks.

my mom watched hunter the other day for a few hours {bless her dear heart}.  she called to tell me that hunter told her he had poopie.  she then proceeded to say, "well, they say that once your kid tells you he has a dirty diaper then you can potty train him." umm, forget it.  not until he's two. i hardly have time to brush my teeth these days.  i certainly don't have time for potty training.

{3} aversion to bovine.

i've never been a milk lover.  i've also never been a milk hater.  which means that i normally drink it only with chocolate or with cereal.  ever since sage was born, milk makes me want to puke.  at first i thought my milk was bad but when i bought a new carton and wanted to puke again i realized that it was all milk in general. hmmm. maybe my body is subliminally trying to tell me that milk would bother sage since i'm nursing.  maybe my body is a genius.  

{4} nerves and whole foods.

while my mom watched hunter {that same poopie diaper announcement day}, sage and i went grocery shopping.  but it was unlike our usual grocery trips.  instead of going to publix that is conveniently located just six minutes from our house, i decided to drive thirty-five minutes and go to whole foods.  i had an unsatiable urge to go organic; publix wasn't going to cut it.  the second i went into whole foods and remembered their prices i realized i had lost my mind.  it was too much for this coupon queen.  i started getting really hot and nervous... do i just leave after driving that far without groceries or do i go way over budget and just shop?!  i also think the nerves could be attributed to the fact that i felt like everyone was staring at me thinking "what are you doing here?  you eat preservatives, high fructose corn syrup, and processed food."  i felt like i didn't belong and the rest of the shoppers knew it.  so, to make a mind numbingly long story short... i basically only bought produce and a few select eggless specialties for hunter.  

{5} hunter loves tofu.

oh the irony.  since hunter is severely allergic to eggs, i find him egg free stuff... most of which is organic, gluten free, dairy free, etc.  i don't know what is even left to put in the stuff.  anyways, most of the items contain tofu.  and hunter loves it.  daddy isn't thrilled.  he says, "we're not raising our son to be vegetarian.  especially with a name like hunter."

a pile of pictures.

this is a bit of what our june looked like...

yep, it was pretty much full of cuteness.

sage is 4 weeks old today.  hunter is 17 months old today.

our kids are growing and doing well.  we are ever so thankful!  the Lord has blessed our lives.

&

some of our best friends from college came for a visit.  our hunter and their mim met for the 1st time.  we all had a fabulous weekend together.  they are moving to vietnam in a few months... we can't wait to go for a visit!

&

drumroll please...

{don't hold your breath}

apparently hunter has learned to pick his nose.

and he conveniently only chose to do so while taking pictures.  nice.

happy 4th of july weekend!