to write this post or not? it could be controversial. it could be annoying. but i have to get something that's floating around my brain into words. oh and i'm not trying to condemn anyone. let me make that clear from the get go.
so i watched a bit of the bachelor for the first time ever last night... i was folding laundry (a whole lotta loads); i wasn't being completely unproductive. my grandma is a die hard bachelor fan and has said that i must watch. well, as i watched, i was so curiously confused and sad. let me explain.
sad:
the fact is, lust has turned into love. women prance around the show vying for the attention of one man while talking about nothing other than what he said or didn't say to who. it turns men and women into objects rather than something to be treasured and respected. it turns the gift of a relationship into a cheap experiment. would you really want your husband to be someone that went from kissing one girl after the other, all in the name of a tv show that has a premise of finding your soul mate?!
curiously confused:
i think most women would likely agree with me. but yet, so many still watch the show. is it sort of like reading a romance novel? is the idea of galavanting around from a beautiful exotic island to another with romance in the air intriguing? i'm curious. if you watch it, why? (i'm not trying to make you feel bad if you do. please don't. i'm honestly curious. remember, this isn't meant to condemn.)
the whole time the guy talked about how difficult it was to have to make decisions regarding the women. well buddy, you do realize that most men would never go on a date with six women at once?! i think we are complicated enough, one is plenty.
the women talked about falling in love with him. how? how could they fall in love with him after a few dates of divulging small bits of information hoping that maybe there will be a spark that is brighter than any other girl's somewhere in the midst of it all?
~::~::~
it's all sad to me. does anyone else agree?
64 {comments}:
Definatly agree! I've watched bits and pieces of the show but i don't really care for "reality" tv anyways...
I totally agree with you. I love the show however. I think it is the fact that its so sad that I can't turn away. I could never love someone like that, or be in that situation. Isn't that basically like openly cheating seeing as they are all "dating" him.
Completely agree! I don't watch - number one because it consumes 2 hours of Monday night television and number two because every girl there thinks she's in love.
You're spot on! I have watched it, mostly out of curiosity, and could never do it myself but there is something entertaining about it. I think it's kind of like a soap opera - not that I have ever watched one - but I would liken it to that. There is a good reason none of these relationships ever work out...none of them start on the right foundation!
Amen! Why would any woman WANT to even begin to try to love a man who goes on a television show to find his soul mate? I watched it one time and that was enough. The women come across at being on the prowl. To me it looked more like a refined version of "bar hopping." I surely would not want to hook up with a man that went through multiple women so he could get the "pick of the litter."
I can't watch it. It is too hard to see and totally not how God intended relationships to be. I am very careful what I watch for me but also for my girls. I want to surround them with godly examples and I want them to know that seeking God first is more important than seeking a guy.
I love this post. I am a high school teacher and I teach 9th through 12th graders. These kids have a distorted view of how love should be because the world today does not show what genuine love is. The world shows what lust is and that it is okay to cheat, it is okay to leave, it is okay to be beaten. I read a book recently for a bible study called "love at last sight" by kerry and chris shook. I learned so many things about how love and relationships should be. Honesty and caring are not valued as much as they should be. I also learned that we don't "fall" in love, we choose to love. If we choose to love we will also be devoted to that love. God does not intend for relationship to be the way media displays them. He does not want you to stab your best friend in the back, be unfaithful, or lie to one another. This is not the way relationship are meant to be.
I do not watch the Bachelor...it just seems like such a waste of time. I'm really not sure why a lot of people watch it! I guess it can be entertaining, but I just don't see it!
I watch NO 'reality' television (other than AI, on occasion...) because I truly don't see the reality in it. As for The Bachelor...who on earth would even WANT that to be their reality? :( You're right. People confuse lust with love and then try to build a relationship based on that 'butterflies in the tummy' feeling that is all too fleeting.
Oh girl, I totally agree with you. I think it's trash. T-R-A-S-H, not edifying, and a complete waste of brain power. Like much of what it on tv. I could just do without any of it. Lust is all our young people are shown anymore and it makes me so sad for our kids, we must sincerely pray for their future spouses. I know with my girl, I will be very particular on what Christian books she reads, too. There are so many that portray love and romance in such idealistic ways. I want my relationship with my Husband to be the best love story my kids have ever seen. ;) What a motivation to keep the spark alive 20 years from now!
Preach it. I used to watch the Bachelor, but about two years ago I just couldn't anymore for most of the reasons you listed. It's so NOT God honoring. So far from what He intended relationships to be.
I watch it sometimes, def. not with the family. It's kindof like a train wreck, you know it's gonna be bad but you can't look away. Better not to even get started watching stuff like this, like most of the stuff on TV. It's entertaining but sooooo wrong.
I agree and will NOT watch that show, or anything like it. People love to watch others' drama (sort of the way I watch brain surgery on TV and can't look away...ew) but reality TV has gotten out of control. People now feel they need to be their own paparazi, and live like these "tv stars". None of it is actual reality, as these shows are SCRIPTED (and heavily edited). Sure, there are nuts cases out there who really act like these women (and men), but shows like this glorify a sick and combatitive way of life that is incredible unhealthy for our society.
Reality TV with The Bachelor isn't going away anytime soon. The best we (people who feel like I do) can do is ignore it, and not read about theses "stars" in the trash mags. there are so many more productive things to do!
Ok- off my soap box. :)
You have brought out all the Bachelor haters. Ha ha! I am one of them as well. I cannot understand for the life of me why this show is appealing. In real life, we call this cheating...but on a reality tv show it is chalked up to finding your soul mate? It seems like if it is justifiable to date dozens of women at the same time based on your motive that men everywhere would be pulling that card to live as bachelors forever. Oh wait, maybe they are.
Amen! I agreed to watch one season because all my friends were, but it hurt me to even watch it...
Continuing from my comment above, my FIL once said, if you can't watch something with the family, you ought not be watching it yourself. Just preaching to myself!
I never watch the show but I have heard a lot about it from others. I just don't get it and it doesn't seem that too many of the couples actually end up together in the end. I don't even understand why the show continues on.
I'm a big reality tv fan but I have never seen an episode of the Bachelor...why? Because it's awful for women to think they have to do anything to "win" a man. You are the treasure to be sought out, and being a treasure you should be treated as such. I know my hubbie treats me like it and I spoil him right back. I whole-heartedly agree with your post!
I agree. It is heart breaking what "love" has become. Love is a decision, a choice, and it is most definitely holy. TV shows, and media in general is misrepresenting the God of our Bible. It's no wonder how difficult it is for us to know the true love of our Father. This world is hard, but I think it's harder in the US. That is where my heart has been lately. I appreciate what you posted, and it was certainly in love and not in condemnation. Blessings!
-Nat
wellll, i mean who didn't kiss people before they found the person they were going to marry? people usually kiss a lot of people (at least i think so) and date a lot of people. no biggie, that's typical life i think. BUT this show is national tv so do i think after doing this show the guy could be taken seriously? prob not. i mean, if he was really a wonderful, amazing guy he wouldn't have to do a hoe-him-out kind of tv show, right? so, i think it is more sad for the guy. but pretty sad for the girls, too. my guess is they just want their 15 mins of fame.
I so agree with you, but i am also glad their is someone else out there that has a grandma that is obsessed with the bachelor. My grandma has a little notebook where she writes down all the girls, their ages, and occupation. Then, she makes notes under each one and marks them off as they go home!!
go ahead sister! I totally agree! I have never watched it and never will, due to the reasons you mentioned but also bc I have little ones. I don't want them to see such, I want their time with me, not the tv! Thank you for your honesty!
okay guilty, I have definitely been watching this season, and for the first time in "The Bachelor's" storied, televised history, I might add. Yes, it's sad to see the women breaking their hearts over a man who is serial dating and showing it all on national tv. Yes, it's painfully embarassing when he brings his 'therapist/lifecoach' on for a little pick me up during an episode. Yes, it's sad to see love turned into a meaningly game of chance, hormones and lots of alcohol... but despite all that, I have to admit, it makes me love my husband more. Every woman on the show seems to swoon at the merest hint of common decency or feigned chivalry from the man in question... leading me to believe that for so many (far, far too many) women, real love has never even entered the equation. Their own "reality" is so impoverished and so... sad. So despite my better judgement, I do watch... and I see how very blessed I am in my own marriage. Though I supposed there are far, far more uplifting things I could be doing with my spare time, though as a nursing SAHM, I do like a little tv break now and then. :)
We watch it. I think it's my husband's favorite show believe it or not. It's highly entertaining. Hard to believe those are real live people though. I would last about 2 seconds watching someone I care for caring about 8 other women. It's just not realistic AND if I was the final one...watching what he did on the those dates and how he was feeling would do me in. I don't think I could forget.
I watch it for the drama & suspense of who will win- plain and simple. No, I would never go on the show... and I wouldn't want to find my husband that way. But it's reality TV.
I used to watch it. Back when it first started. If I do watch it now, it's mostly just to laugh at it since I find the entire premise completely ridiculous. It's sad to me, yet I guess I am not surprised because I think it represents our culture as a whole.
That being said, I do watch shows that probably aren't the best (I am a Grey's Anatomy junkie)... it's pointless entertainment.
so with you on this - i don't watch it {never have} really sad the way the world views love/marriage. praying that i will show my daughters {and my son, for that matter} what real, Godly women, love & marriage look like!
Wow Carissa, looks like you threw a match in the woodpile! I must admit that I did watch in the beginning (1st - 3rd seasons) and have checked in on RARE occasion since. However, my favorite part is the first episode because I just like to see what the girls are wearing. (Yep, I'm a pageant watcher, too.) Never would I be on the show or encourage my teens to do so. It is a sad show if you think about it, so I just don't. And after those first few seasons, I quit being a fan. Still like to see those beautiful dresses, though. Some of my favorite memories of my parents are from when I was little and we would sit down with a note pad ready for the Miss America pageant or Miss USA, pick our faves, whittle them down and see if anyone could predict the winner. (Seems quite fitting that my college roommate as a freshman ended up being Miss USA 1988!)
Agree. I don't watch the show. It's just not interesting to me. Although, I am not totally guilt free on trashy reality TV all together. LOL
I DO watch the show, as you know because I've blogged about it a number of times. It's DRAMA. Even the producers agree that they choose women for drama, not love. And watching it actually makes me love and appreciate Q MORE. I read the comments above and honestly, is watching sports edifying? The Super Bowl with all the commercial is "ok" but watching "The Bachelor" isn't? Double standards yo! If I felt convicted I'd stop, but it's entertaining to me. Eating crap food for you body isn't edifying the body of Christ, but THAT is ok. Where's the line?
I dont watch it and never have unless you include the 3 minutes I paused at the channel in the beginning to see what the big deal was! It's horrible and I agree with everything you said. It cheapens love--something God designed to be the most important in life.
I can see what one poster said about it making her love her husband more. I have been in similar situations with other shows where I have felt the same. To me, that is God using something bad for good. ; )
I agree. I watched 2 of the first seasons of the bachelor, but then I stopped. It's really sad if you ask me and I get so sick of watching such ridiculous people. I guess I can understand people watching to be entertained by the stupidity of it. I just get repulsed by all the self-centeredness.
the bachelor is one of the few reality shows i don't watch, simply because it doesn't seem real AT ALL to me. and most of the contestants don't even wind up together in the end! how awful ...
Women need security. I think that the Bachelor is bound to fail because how are women going to get that from some guy who's dating six women at the same time, meanwhile telling them all "how special" they are or whatever...how could they honestly believe that? It's completely unrealistic. I've watched a little bit, but it's so caddy it makes me bonkers!
Oh, girl! I am so with ya on this one! We've only watched that show one time and it was bc one of my son's football coaches at the time was on it (he got kicked off right away bc he realized right away how fake it all was and he didn't want to play along). Neither of my teens are interested in the show and both of them have expressed how gross that sounds to be with so many different people...yay that they thinks it's gross, bc it is!!!!
I couldn't agree with you more. I don't understand my friends who watch it. It's so sad and immoral.
Thanks for posting this!
It is sad. I used to watch it but haven't in years because it just makes me upset. It's so sad that a tv show has turned relationships into a competition or game.
I don't watch it because I don't get it either and I'm pretty sure it would drive me nuts. Not to say I don't watch bad TV because believe me I do but I just don't watch the ones based on finding "love"
It's funny, I've never watched it before but have seen snippets while channel hopping over the past few weeks and it just makes me sad. It's devaluing for everyone involved I think.
I've never seen it... we tend to keep away from network television. Everything is trash. My shows are 19 Kids and Counting, and What not to Wear. Ha! With that said, my sister and I were just talking the other day about how relationships are cheapened. It's so sad, there is no sanctity in relationships anymore. You "fall in love" one day, then "fall out" the next. You marry with the thoughts of, oh if this doesn't work whatever. It's so sad how far society has fallen. God, marriage, love... it's all a big joke turned into a reality show.
I kinda think it's all probably mostly fake too... Which is what I think about most reality shows. Not that it makes it better, no, it's still trash.
No one wants to watch someones everyday, regular life. Humans tend to crave drama, especially some one else's drama. Especially for the sake of entertainment. Anyway.. just another thought of mine! :)
I couldn't agree with you more-I watched an episode on the first season and it made me sad as well-relationships are not things to be tossed around and God I don't believe ever intended for us to view relationships like things.
I always hated the dating scene but I could never imagine being in that kind of situation and believing that it could possibly be love.
Everything I have heard is none but one or two of them even made it to being married or staying together too-I would think they would think gee maybe this doesn't work?!
I think it just shows more of how our society is now-fast-everything has to happen quickly and on their time line-and I think they are in love with the idea of being in love and not really seeking out what true love is.
So glad that I know God and that trusted that He had the right person out there for me-can't imagine it any other way.
*Stepping cautiously to center stage amid The Bachelor haters* : )
I didn't watch the first few seasons of The Bachelor {because @ that point I was far, far too young}, but my grandma also started me on my craze! It is now one of my favorite shows. I don't watch it to laugh at the "train wrecks" as some mentioned, or to model my life or own practices after what I view. Like many people enjoy having a favorite sports team & rooting for their team, I enjoy having favorite contestants and rooting for them throughout the season. & I can do this while keeping in mind that I would never want to be in a relationship or situation like those on The Bachelor.
I can't wait to go and read the comments. First I wanted to say that I have often thought the same thing.
It sort of grosses me out. I wouldn't want to kiss someone that was kissing so many other people. EEEEK!
I do watch the Real Housewives of Whatever City they Come from and I think that it is a very ungodly show. I can't get enough though. Their craziness compels me : )
thanks for posting about this, carissa. thanks for voicing your opinion and not being afraid to do so. i love that about a blogger...
and that's all. just wanted to thank you. :)
Sarah-Anne
TOTALLY AGREE! Well said. I enjoy your blog!
I've never seen it, but I've heard enough about it that I would agree with you 100% and so appreciate the stand you take. You inspire me!!
yes, I have to admit, I am a Bachelor watcher.. I do wonder each time I watch it, why I watch it.. but every monday it comes on and I watch it. It is really sad! I completely agree with your opinion, but I seem to like it for the drama of reality tv?..
I totally agree! I dont watch the show myself but used to back when it first started out years ago. The lines of love and lust are so blurred in this tv show. Its so sad how the women (or men in the bachlorette) try so hard for the one guy. I wish they'd discontinue shows like this really...
I do not watch the show now. I did watch every now and then when it first came on. I cannot bring myself to watch it now. It saddens me and makes me sick to my stomach. It's not something I want my young 10yo ever to see.
I could not agree more and I do not watch this show. How can you form a relationship out of circumstances that are so completely removed from your normal life? There may be a small percentage of people that can jet off to some remote locale to rock climb for a date but I cannot relate to that. I think people get hooked on observing the interaction between the people but I really don't think the interaction on this show and many like it is an example of how we should behave with one another. Sadly I think many cannot make that distinction.
So there's my 2 cents.
my name is cait. and I watch The Bachelor. Whew. Said it. ;) I'm not sure what it is...especially about this season (some I watch, some I don't). Honestly, for me, I get sucked into "reality" TV. I don't know why. I HATE sitcoms. Can't stand them. But reality TV..whether its HGTV or silly dating shows...I get into it. We're all convicted differently and while I COMPLETELY agree with your thoughts and think it's a stupid way to find someone and would NEVER want to meet my hubby that way, I still watch. It's my own battle...and I'll confess in my weakness. God's still at work in me. :) Love your honesty as usual!
i agree with you carissa. never really watched it, but the moments that i did see it, all i felt was sick :( but i can imagine how it must be very entertaining for lots of people...
I completely agree with you... I don't really understand the point of the Bachelor... and would NEVER even imagine trying to meet my future husband that way. It's just not true.
I completely and totally agree with you! But, I have been watching the show. I don't know why really. Every time it's on I sit and think, who could possibly ever want to be on a show like that. It just doesn't make sense and most of the time I'm grossed out by even watching it. So why can't I look away? I don't know. All those people seem so lost or just wanting some tv time. It's sad really, and I'd never, ever, ever want to meet my husband that way. Gross is all I can say!!! It's the first season that I've actually been watching and probably the last. But now that I've seen so many episodes, I have to see who he ends up with!
Btw...Jennifer Aniston feels the same way you do! Not that I watch The View all that often, but I just love her and am looking forward to her and Adam Sandler's movie, Go With It...so I watched and she said the same things as this post...so I'm wondering, "Does Jen read your blog?" maybee...
I watched a few episodes of it several years ago and decided there was no place for it. Would be furious if my husband-to-be (okay, we've been married 18 years so at this point, it's a little hard to imagine) treated women in such a cavalier, disrespectful, sinful manner. The problem is - and I'm sure this is why many people continue to watch even if they wouldn't condone it in their own lives - you get hooked by curiosity. You're right - very sad.
I could NOT agree with you more! I watched the bachelor the first season for a few episodes and thought it was ridiculous.
Have a pretty day~ Carissa~
Kristin
These kind of shows are why I watch BBC stuff with my kids from Netflix.
No Bachelor here either. I'm with you on it just making me feel sad -- and embarrassed for those on it -- I keep thinking about what they'll think about it in x number of years.
Life is enough drama. I don't need a petri dish of drama to watch!
That being said, I do like the Amazing Race. Maybe that's because I'd like to be on Amazing Race. hee hee hee. :)
Blessings sweet friend!
(and this was an excellent post)
Rachel
I've never watched that show specifically for the reasons you (and basically everyone else) mentioned!
OK. So I actually had never watched until Jake's season (recently) because one of the girls had played softball with my husband. We just couldn't believe it. And then I was hooked. It watches just the way a trashy romance novel reads.
It always astounds me that these girls JUST meet this guy ~ and suddenly they're in love with him? I do think Love at First Sight is possible but... it's just so unlikely when you are one of thirty women saying the same thing. And the way these women THROW themselves at the guy ~ wow. Pathetic, many of them.
Then again, I'm 28 and married with three kids. So what do I know about being single & alone these days? Maybe it's harder than we think and these girls really don't see another option? I don't know. :)
I've tried to watch this show a few times and just can't. Like so many others have said, it is so far from reality. I also find it very sad.
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