i'm not really good at self-diagnosis. because in reality, i'm a mess. i over-think/analyze everything to a fault and end up with a jumbled jigsaw puzzle of a diagnosis. until the light bulb came on one day several years ago. i found out what was dangling on the roots of all my issues.
i had (still fight the symptoms often, though) a disease that involved feeling like i deserved certain things. my childhood was rough, and, as a result, i felt like i was owed something. life post childhood was supposed to be full of ease and abundant blessings. i mean, i was "owed" that. i became an adult, got married and ended up with a new set of baggage that i would've wished away in a heartbeat. and because of that, felt like i was owed something on a whole new level.
i envisioned the american dream. - a debt-free life, decent cars (two to be exact), good health, a house with a picket fence. or at least a backyard fence. and pretty green grass and shady trees. i laid claim to stylish clothes, pretty hair, at least one vacation a year, how ever many kids i pleased... in a nutshell, i wanted my way. oh and a date night once a month... might as well throw that one in. ; )
but then i came to a realization at some point. God had been working (still is!) in my selfish, fragile heart to show me that i was/am wretched, poor, and helpless. i began to see the major error in my deserving/entitlement attitude. in reality, all i warrant is death and destruction. i'm full of ugly sin. but God, in His rich mercy, sent Jesus to die for my sin. and in Jesus, i have every abundant blessing - life everlasting, communion with God, a cleansing of my conscience. i'm glad God doesn't do things my way... His way is the high way.
do you struggle with this? it's hard not to want ease living in the land of plenty. i have to constantly transform my mind by renewing it with Scripture...
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.
(Ephesians 1:3-4 ESV)
i'm linking up with Rachel ~
i'm thankful for the reality of Christ in my life. it's not about the stuff of this world or what i think i deserve.
i'm linking up with Rachel ~
i'm thankful for the reality of Christ in my life. it's not about the stuff of this world or what i think i deserve.
21 {comments}:
This is good, girl. Something God has really been teaching me (specifically since I've had children) is how it's not really about me. We're not on this earth for our blessing, or prosperity. We're here to serve Him, gloriously. Abundantly. Passionately. But, still, all for Him. Our society and even our churches are teaching that our claim is in His promises for us, but in reality, He only promised that we would never beg for bread or be forsaken. I think of my Grandparents, who have served Christ in ministry their entire married life (pushing 60 years!) and live like paupers. They barely scrape by every month, but you will never once hear them say they are anything but prosperous and blessed. They truly have an eternal mindset and it's so inspiring. A constant reminder that we need only to store up treasure in heaven.
ABSOLUTELY! I struggle with this too. I am a want machine when it comes down to it. Sometimes I wish I lived in a little village in another country where the life and culture is much simpler. Unfortunately, so much of what we experience feeds into the "all about me", "I want it now" mentality. It is definitely hard not to follow suite. You stay strong in the Lord and help me to do the same. Your blog is an inspiration, particularly because you keep it so real.
Blessing on your day!
Thanks for sharing, I forget ALL the time that I am not the one in control. It's difficult to let go of the preconceived notions I have for myself and give into the uncertainty of faith. I know He will provide for my family, but it is so hard to relinquish control. Thanks for the blessing.
I struggle with the same things. Beautifully written post and thanks for sharing. I'm figuring out that life is not meant to be easy because God uses every hardship to teach us and mold us. If life was too easy we wouldn't learn.
I could have written that post myself--beautiful and a great reminder as I start my day!
Thank you for sharing. Beautiful post that I can totally relate to.
wow, what a way to put your day in persceptive. thanks for writing this, carissa!
i think i do feel like that sometimes, though i've not ever thought of it in the same way-but it is the same thing. i also did not have the best childhood and often feel like 'oh poor me' and there are lies i believe because of it but i need the truth to continue setting me free and Jesus is the only way to do that!
our small group just started the book "radical," and without being corny, it literally has already had a radical impact on the way i am thinking. our leader had us fill out a chart with three categories: me, them, and Him. under the categories we had to write what we thought our life would look like in the next 5 years, what the world would tell us we should look like, and what Christ would have us do/be like.
it was eye-opening, to say the least. the world category is what we tend to strive for (the better job, the better promotion, the nicer cars, the bigger home), yet that is TOTALLY meaningless to my Savior. it was humbling and definitely impacting the way i think about things.
I struggle with this all the time too, though I have gotten better. My husband grew up to be one of the most frugal men I've ever encountered- so he tends to question me on the things I feel like I "have" to have. For the longest time I found myself getting furious because he makes good money and yet he doesn't want to give me all the things I want. My reason is/was "well we can afford it, so he must not love me enough to give them to me." That wasn't the truth, of course, but God really had to work on my heart to show me how destructive my thoughts were on myself, my husband, and our marriage. I don't know, Bravo for being brave enough to talk about this. I needed a reminder anyway. Thanks!
Erin
i struggle daily with this. selfish miserable complainer that i am. glad to know i'm not alone in my wretchedness. may God have mercy on us!
Here's a crazy thought...what if this is as good as it gets? If we can be at peace with where God has put us I think that (in and of itself) is a blessing.
yeah i totally get what youre saying.
i was a very young mother and bride. when my baby was 24 month my husband was in a fatal car accident. i thought i paid my sad dues in that area. gave me an umbrella of protection for ever having to deal with that kind of heartbreak. fast forward 23 years. i have been re married for 21 years and my 20 year old daughter married 6 days. her husband was accidentally hurt and killed. what are the chances? who cares.
do i feel like i am owed better? less heartache? less tragedy to get over?
yep i do. do i think ill get it? nope. but i will when i die.. and that counts for everything.
Thanks so much for this much-needed reminder! I definitely struggle with this, and you are so right...no matter what, I am blessed way more than I deserve!!
you always keep me in check :) I feel like I do this often and I know I shouldn't at all... thanks for being so great and always reminding me!!!!
Oh, I think we come into the world with the "it's all about me" attitude and work the rest of our lives to rid ourselves of it (speaking of Christians). You are such an inspiration to me and I have no doubt that the Lord has even greater things in store for you and your sweet family. You are a blessing!
Oh my gosh. I am in tears. I feel as though you are in my head, and i just needed to get that out.
I am a new follower, and can't wait to read more!!
You're one of my heroes! Thanks for typing this out. I was blessed by it. Amen, amen, amen!
This is how my heart looks most days. My parents struggled as I was growing up and I always thought I deserved more. God has literally allowed our lives to be stripped of everything that we deserve. The only one true thing that I want and desire above all other things is God. I know that now.
Mmmmm. Isn't entitlement such an ugly thing? I think that I feel the most defeated when I have realization of different things I'm clinging to - rights, entitlements, ideals - and yet it's in those times that my *real* need for Jesus is most revealed. Painful and precious. Isn't life so often a paradox?
I have read and read and reread and reread again this post. You write beautifully, my friend. Thank you for reminding me of my own heart -- and how quickly it strays and starts to become discontent. I need to keep telling myself -- focus on God, focus on God, less of self.
Thank you sweet friend.
Rachel
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