he called me miss america.

what was going to be a light-hearted, fancy free, fashion forward post has morphed into a stroll down memory lane due to the events that came about yesterday.  my grandfather has gone home to be with the Lord.  his pain and suffering is no more, the cancer can't hurt him any longer.  he is with Christ in perfect peace.  although i'm sad, clinging to the memories gives me peace.  for a long time, i just held it all in, trying not to mourn, because after all, he's in heaven.  but now, like a ship headed windward and opening it's sails, i'm letting it all out.  it feels better this way.

death is a funny thing.  kind of like a bad joke.  only it stings and changes everything.  i've always been familiar with death, i tasted it at the ripe young age of nine when my dad and grandma both died in the same year.  it's sad, but so goes the circle of life.  

~ my grandparents with their great-grandchildren overlooking the stunning golden gate ~

i'm calling to mind the moments with him, he was there when i came into this world, when i graduated, got married, had children.  i'm grateful for the legacy he imparted on this family of ours. 

~ my grandpa and i in the sierra nevada mountains ~

i think he knew that the key to my insecure heart in my chubby nine year old frame was to call me a name that made me feel beautiful.  it worked.  : )  i was his miss america.  he was my only grandpa... good thing, since he stole my heart.

~ sage and her great grandpa ~

i'm sad for my grandma.  thinking of living without someone you lived with for fifty-seven years seems unbearable for this girl who can't even go a day without chocolate.  most of my grandparent's are gone now.  it's a strange thing when there's only one generation left ahead of you.  the years, they go by.

~ hunter and his great pa, riding a train in sonoma valley ~

i went on a long run last night and since running my heart out while crying my eyes off was not too great of a combo, i quit, came home and wrote this.  writing is always like aloe on my sunburned skin... it soothes.

i don't think that flying by myself on a plane with my baby, traveling 3,000 miles across the country to california to go to a funeral is going to be fun, but at least it's in the land that is home to me.  and the food is my palate's favorite, the scenery is always a delight to my eyes, and the weather.  awww, the weather. it will be music to my hot ears.  being in my favorite place with some of my favorite souls will bring comfort and closure.

-carissa