after paying too much to see a sad movie in the theater, my friend and i sat in the warm car on a cold night and cried for a good ten ish minutes letting all of life out. we laughed in between cry snorts and thought we were ridiculous. but at least we were in it together; there was barely any shame. we confessed to each other our ugly failures and even our loathsome jealousies. we let go of our insecurities like we were getting paid for it. thoughts from our swirly minds turned into words.
it's amazing what connection honesty can bring. you realize you're on the same team. you realize life is about working together, prodding each one onward. there's a certain beautiful camaraderie shared in this common depravity of life.
the grass isn't greener on the other side, everyone else does not have their life together like you think they do. my laundry room is messy. and my baseboards have not been cleaned in years. along with our blinds. my three year old does not eat veggies. all these little, meaningless things, all piled up, make me feel like a big failure. until my friend tells me that her baseboards are dirty too. those words sound almost as sweet as Scripture. they are?! phew. thought i was the only not-so-put together mom around town.
it's right here, in this common depravity, for both of us girl's with our dirty baseboards, that we relate, breeding compassion.
i'd say it's time, whether we stay at home or go to work, whether we like cooking or not, whether we are list makers or list forgetters, whether we vaccinate our kids or do home births, it's time to be on the same team. instead of comparing and being jealous and not feeling as good as mrs. cleaver, how about we cheer one another on?
ps. my little sister accomplished her dream of trying out for the cheerleading team. she made it and finished her season strong. this is her very first extra-curricular and i'm really proud she let go of the nerves to embrace this new adventure. go sis! : )
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49 {comments}:
I love this post! I've always thought that if women could stop criticizing and be supportive of each other, we would change the world! How did we get to this place where we judge based on choices that are our right?
amen! ongoing mommy wars can be silent and creep into your hearts quickly, blogging can show a very slanted view of ones life. And hu? we're supposed to clean our baseboards and blinds?? ;)
First, I don't think I've ever even checked my baseboards. I'm too worried about the dust in plain sight!
Second, I wish you lived around here, because I could use a friend to be on my team right now!
What an amazing post! I think we all need to be reminded that no one is perfect even if they are really good at looking that way from the outside! Your sis is too cute:)
this WHOLE thing should be crocheted on a pillow or made into one of those "quote" pins you see on pinterest 1000 times a day!!! seriously.
women are mean. we compare. i am guilty as much as the other girl. we ARE on the same team.
i just had a girl email me from s.d. that reads my blog and she said she'd been reading it since we moved and now she wishes she would have gotten to know me better. she said when i was living there, she thought i had it all together and it was too intimidating for her to become close to me.
this TOTALLY blew me away (and hurt my feelers a bit too). NO ONE has it all together. and i hate that i ever put off that vibe...because i don't!
ugh.
either way, this post is fab. and this comment is almost as long.
love ya!
a
I agree with this and actually it is something that makes me uncomfortable with blogging. People are only getting a tiny glimpse of life...and how often are we going to post the picture of what is dirty, ugly, disorganized etc. I have often hoped that people don't think I think I have it all together. Cause I most certainly do not. None of us do. And as for judging other mom's and their methods etc...again, something we all need to watch out for. Our lives should be lived to glorify Him and not in comparison to others but again, so hard to remember.
dirty baseboard housewife here! I love this, and completely agree that being a mom, no matter what type is hard work, and with the support of other women going through the same stuggles it can be a little easier. I love the cries I have where I am also laughing because I realize how silly I am being.
Samantha
I wholeheartedly agree! I am with you sista!
Just yesterday at my MOPS meeting I shared something personal about how my kids get me worked up to the point of screaming sometimes and I wish I had a better way to control my temper. One of my friends came up to me after and said, "it looks like you have so much fun on your blog." Made me feel sad. IWe do have fun but I have problems too. I don't want her thinking I have it all together. That is never my intention either. I mean, I write about things that bother me but for the most part I want my blog to be about happy things and happy memories! I am not sure how to fix that. As for in real life, I always try to remember that we all have things we struggle with. Instead of placing judgement, I try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. We all need to be better at lifting each other up! Thank you for sharing! Sorry for the long comment. HA! Have a great day. :)
A hearty amen from this Mama! I've always said, we women should compare each other less and love each other more! Nothing wrong with convictions, but they should never stand in the way of genuine love and relationship with our sisters in Christ.
Amen!! Imagine if we could all begin to walk together in that honest, authentic, grace filled place...imagine!
I love this! It's always good to have a reminder that we only catch glimpses of other peoples' lives, probably just the parts they want us to see. It's time to stop criticizing and tearing each other down and time to build each other up!
Hope you enjoy your extra day this year! :)
I love this post ;)
AMEN!
This has been on my mind a lot too. I posted something similar to my fb recently, and a woman who parents totally different than I do said she see's the way I love my boys and see's Jesus in our family. That spoke to me more than she'll ever know, since I always felt judgement from moms like her.
Thank you for this, Carissa. I think every mom/woman needs to hear this.
Um, yes please! I needed to read this today, to know that i'm not alone. My house is a disaster. An electrician came to work on our bathroom remodel while I was mid-nursing the baby, not dressed appropriatly for such a visitor and my hair wasn't even brushed yet from my shower. Oh yeah, and we're having a dinner guest tonight too. And I have to get Orelia to school in 20 minutes, still need to blow dry my hair, and the baby is taking a nap. Ahhhh! I could use some cheerleaders today. Gorgeous pics, your little sis is a gem.
Amen and Amen!
You were speaking to my heart darlin'! Can you please write a bible study on this and send it to EVERY SINGLE CHURCH? Oh how the world would be so different if we all behaved like we were batting for the SAME team! Thank you for the reminder! THank you for sharing your heart! I needed it!
PS. The pics of your sis are adorable and remind me of my pom pom days!
PSS. You can come over ANY time and feel better about your base boards- yikes!
G-O Come on let's go!!
Have a wonderful day my WISE friend!
Amen!!
I often ((read: almost everyday)) looks at the dirt + dust accumulating at our baseboards and think how ugly it looks and what if people come over and see it?!? Or that cobweb in the corner??
I am so glad it is not just me thinking that this is what is going to end the world. sometimes I just need to let it go and hope that when people come over they think, "Oh good, I am not the only one who hasn't cleaned the baseboards yet!!"
:)
You go girl! I agree 100% Oh what this world would be like if women would stop comparing themselves, and being mean and spiteful. I can just imagine it. Together, in unity, we are powerful!
Beautiful post, Carissa!! And exactly what I needed to hear, too! =)
This is such an awesome, beautiful post. This world would be an amazing place if women would stop comparing themselves to each other, stop being so judgmental, and just wholeheartedly love one another.
Your sister is completely adorable!
Loved this!! I know you're referencing it to moms, but It so applies to many other areas as well. So many girls I know are upset when others are getting engaged, married, having babies, etc., because they want that too. It just means their time hasn't come yet. We should root for each other and encourage them in life and in waiting for those things. Not only are we on the same team in parenthood and marriage, but we're on the same team in life and shouldn't be jealous because we are all in our own stages of life.
I may have taken this a bit off topic, but it completely hit home for me and so many areas. Thanks!
This is such a great message to pass on to each other. I think so many women get caught up in being perfect that we forget that we're human and like you said - ALL in it TOGETHER!
Thanks for the reminder - PS you're sister is totally adorable :)
This is such a great message to pass on to each other. I think so many women get caught up in being perfect that we forget that we're human and like you said - ALL in it TOGETHER!
Thanks for the reminder - PS you're sister is totally adorable :)
This is truly a great post. There have been many times where I don't feel like I measure up to the rest of the moms out there because my house isn't spotless, or my son doesn't eat perfectly healthy food.. I could go on for days it seems.
Thanks for sharing that your baseboards are dirty ;)
I LOVE this!! You are so true...Glad to hear I'm not alone. Bathroom floor hasn't been scrubbed in forever, the laundry is piling out the laundry room door...oh the list goes on. SOOOOO happy for a snow day- maybe some things can get put together around here!
This is one of the reasons I love blogging. Sweet words from sweet ladies, and always encouragement and support. I love all your lovely posts and comments...they make me SMILE:) Thank you!
I think about how I need to clean my baseboards every.single.day. Let's not talk about how long I go in between washing bed sheets or mopping floors. ;) I do struggle with comparing myself to others and I always feel that I'm not "good enough" at everything. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves...nobody else cares how dirty my baseboards, sheets, or floors are. I'm my own worst enemy. Great post, thanks.
"AMEN!", says the sweaty, greasy haired lady nervously eyeing her gross baseboards!
Totally agree! Way to go for your little sister!
So true, dear. This is encouraging. I see my other friends with it all together, and I feel like I don't, until I realize I'm not the only one.
Oh, and I don't remember the last time we cleaned our baseboards. :P
Congrats to sis for accomplishing a dream!
hugs,
~bree
you are SO right on, carissa!
it is so very easy to compare and judge, but what an amazing world it would be if we would just embrace and love one another!
lift each other up in prayer and kindness daily.
i definitely struggle with comparison.
it's something that God is really working on in my heart.
this is so very good.
and your sister?
oh, my! adorable! love those freckles!
xo
Sooo true!!
Carissa,
Just wanted to pop in and say thanks. I have been so overwhelmed with life this morning and took a second to read this and it made me relax a bit to remember that your base boards are dirty like mine...and it's okay. Hope your kids are feeling better...it is so rough to have a sick spell. Julie
YES! (fist in air) we do need to team up and stop teaming against each other. It sure makes a world of difference when we do.
That's so great for your sister!! She looks so darn cute in her uniform.
Emily at Amazing Grapes
Amazing post Carissa, thanks for writing it! You are so right...I wish every woman I know could read it : )
Amen! I think that's all I even have to say about this :)
Heck ya I'm with you!
PS - your sister is beautiful! And my house is dirty, I mean DIRTY!
I am absolutely there with you! This hits home so deeply for me right now and I am grateful that you shared. Thank you.
I don't know what goes wrong with women, but it seems like after time competition and ugliness comes out. So sad. Love the team analogy...your sis is seriously the cutest thing ever.
I just yesterday had a little bit of a personal epiphany about this. I was cleaning and feeling terrible and I realized as I was cleaning I was picking myself apart about what kind of a housekeeper I am (not). I couldn't beleive what abuse was going on inside of my own head! Then I realized why I dread cleaning - who would want to do it when someone was in their head telling them their terrible (me)! So I have decided to tell myself lovely things while I do my home caring and take pride in my work. Even if all I accomplish (like yesterday) was cleaning the appliance fronts and 2 of my cupboard doors! I will say "wow, look how nice that area looks now!" and choose not to pick apart what didn't get done. Anyway, I love people all the more when I find out all the ways they are human! I love to see a messy house, a toddler with a temper etc. because then I know I can really relate!!! Blessings,
Olivia
Amen!
I see one of the main ministries that the Lord has called me to in this season, is to be a CHEERLEADER for all of you young mama bloggy friends. I LOVE reading your posts and cheering you on. Yes.I.Do.
And ... in addition to cheering ya'll on, I also do my best to keep my blog REAL, so that no one will ever put me on a pedestal (because I would then just fall off).
Baseboards ... are we supposed to clean them? :)
Hoping your week is BLESSED!
Go, Carissa, Go!!!
Laurel :)
Oh, Carissa, you are such a dear! You really should consider publishing some of your writings.
This was so good and so true and you are so right, we are ALL on the same team, fighting the same battles in one way or the other. I have such a heart for you young Moms and wives and always want to encourage you along life's way.
Blessings dear!
Man. Women gearing down others, especially other women, is just so wrong. Hugs go a long way, people.
Congrats to your sis!
I love that you have a friend to cry with and go deep with. That kind of friendship is a beautiful, priceless thing. Love you!
i needed this tonight. ugggh. jesus help us! [help me]
What a beautiful and meaningful post for woman and girls of all ages. Your little sister is beautiful - congratulations to her!
Oh man... I LOVE those conversations. My baseboards are filthy right now- and I have a dog so random piles of dog hair collect and stick to them sometimes. It happens.
There is something so amazing about knowing you're not the ONLY ONE who feels like a failure isn't there? (I'm feeling like the biggest one on the planet right now but that's probably just me.) Your sister is a doll! So cute!!
Boy am I ever with you on this one! And going a slightly different direction - I think we need to let ourselves off the hook and just understand that we can't get away from imperfections. Paul said, "The things I don't want to do, I do and the things I want to do I don't do..." (in context) and honestly, that's exactly how I feel sometimes!
I think sometimes I'm my own worst critic - always mad at myself for failing in some way or another... even if it's just a small failure (which happen about 50 times a day). Argh.
If only we could all get off those high and mighty (and ugly) horses and just sit in the mud puddles together... adoring the beautiful sunshine above us. :) (Besides our skin would look a lot better in the end.)
Thanks for sharing this honest post.
Love,
Lynnette
Hi Carissa...You know the Bible says that comparing ourselves amongst ourselves is not wise...but I think everyone does it from time to time. We don't feel secure in our abilities.
We think we don't measure up...we think other people have it all together and that we don't. So, I think you are right...I think we all need to be more honest with each other...and share our weaknesses. In doing so, we can pray for each other...and encourage each other.
That's great that your sister made the cheer team. I am sure you are proud of her.
oh we are definitely on the same team!! you know I LOVE this post!! and for real? you haven't cleaned your baseboards in years either!? I love you.
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